Not to be dramatic, but I would rather listen to a parrot read the Old Farmer’s Almanac from start to finish than hear this woman’s…
NEW YORK – Local punk Chris Lanning was recently caught in the embarrassing act of cutting both an all-beef frank and blow with the same…
DURHAM, N.C. — Local drug hookup Benjamin Wertner is reportedly only known to clients by his first name and one of the assortments of narcotics…
Seriously? You work part-time at Uptown Gourmet Hotdog Shoppe and yet I know for a goddamn fact you’re on your third eight ball this month.…
You have seen “Stranger Things,” right? Oh my god that show is so brilliant, I mean just from a marketing standpoint, cashing in on all…
SYDNEY — An enlightening new study from researchers at The University of Sydney found that the majority of sea turtles get straws stuck up their…
PALMDALE, Calif. — Local fuel sniffer, Seth Carr, purchased several grams of heavily cut cocaine in response to historically high gas prices and the need…
Damn it, dude! They’ve gotta be here somewhere, but I can’t find ‘em! Have you seen my… uh… you know… uh… Ideas? YEAH! Ideas! I…
With Thanksgiving later this week, many of us will be spending time with family members we don’t see very often. Avoid these 12 conversation topics…
MIAMI — A small group of 19th Century time travelers is reportedly very disappointed with the lack of readily available cocaine in modern times, according…
LOS ANGELES — Bored Marvel and Disney executives confirmed that they have greenlit a Captain America vs. Predator crossover mostly for shits and giggles, insiders…
BURBANK, Calif. — Hollywood is abuzz amidst reports that one of its most fabled power couples, acclaimed director Martin Scorsese and his ‘70s muse, a…
WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only…
After decades in television and cinema, if there’s one thing people remember about Tim Allen it’s the name he made for himself as an icon.…
Sometimes in the punk scene, a friend will take the partying too far and all you can do is be supportive when they get clean.…