Dom Turek
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NEW YORK — Local man Bryan Watson spent his 28th birthday last week quarantined from friends and family due to…
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Claire Brown
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HERNDON, Va. — Local woman Melissa Chang was upset today by a 45-minute long, politically charged birthday wish video from…
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Noah Leavy
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SALT LAKE CITY — Longtime Imagine Dragons fan Katie Graham celebrated her 11th birthday this week with a dull celebration…
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Bobby Korec
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BALTIMORE — Local introvert Katie Pidacter quietly hoped yesterday that no one would remember her birthday this year, in order…
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Patrick Coyne
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HILTON, N.Y. — Boyfriend and birthday boy Brad Krister insisted today he really doesn’t want anything from you this year…
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POMONA, Calif. — Local straight edger Dave Bower drank every non-alcoholic beverage intended for use as a mixer last night…
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ABINGTON, Mass. — Local birthday girl and outspoken anti-capitalist Beth Crowley received no birthday gifts for the third year in…
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John Danek
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LAWRENCE, Kan. — Elderly punk “lifer” Alicia Rosenblatt came to the difficult conclusion yesterday that her decades of punk spirit…
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Dan Kozuh
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INVERNESS, Ill. — All-around little piece of shit Brenden Mounce, 11, entertained a house full of jealous classmates this weekend…
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Andy Holt
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ALBANY, N.Y. — Local punk show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham cancelled his teenage daughter’s birthday party this morning due to…
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