REPORT: Mic Stand Fucking Sucks
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LOS ANGELES — The lone mic stand at music venue The Kick Drum in eastern Los Angeles “fucking blows” and…
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Tag: bad
60 stories found
Roommate Subtly, Ominously Sniffs Finger Before Grabbing Fistful From Popcorn Bowl
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DENVER — Local man Ian Vernor horrified his roommates yesterday by inauspiciously sniffing his pointer and middle fingers, recoiling in…
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Facebook Content Flagging Feature Prevents Grindcore Fan From Ever Posting Their Favorite Bands
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ERIE, Pa. — Self-proclaimed grindcore aficionado Eduard Riva has vanished from the internet in recent months, as Facebook’s content flagging…
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Punk Starting to Regret Using One of Three Wishes to Bring GG Allin Back to Life
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ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Adam Schultz is beginning to regret using one of his three wishes to bring infamous…
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Nü-Metal Band Struggles to Find Butthole Pun Good Enough to Use as Album Title
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AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Local nü-metal band Hog Washer can’t decide which of the countless butthole puns they thought of…
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NSA Agent Braces Self as Woman Types “semicharmedlife lyrics” in YouTube for Ninth Time Today
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FORT MEADE, Md. — U.S. National Security Agent Dan Briggs mentally prepared himself for another four minutes of unadulterated sing-alongs…
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Report: Trapt Holding Tryouts for Racist With Drumming Experience
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LOS GATOS, Calif. — The remaining members of the outspoken nü-metal band Trapt are seeking an ill-informed bigot with cursory…
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Local Band Excited to Get Back to Rigorous Schedule of Performing Once Every Seven Months
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SAN FRANCISCO — Members of local punk band Loogie Howser are eager to return to their bustling itinerary of playing…
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Aging Dashboard Confessional Fan Finds His Hair Everywhere
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LOS ANGELES — 35-year-old self-described “Dashboard Confessional superfan” David Calva awoke today to find his male-pattern baldness went into overdrive,…
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Randy Quaid Voices Support for Trump Just in Time to Ruin Everyone’s Annual Viewing of “Christmas Vacation”
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SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — “Christmas Vacation” actor Randy Quaid voiced his support for President Trump yesterday, ruining every sane, cheer-deprived…
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