Ever wonder what happened to your God? It seemed like he was EVERYWHERE in ’80s and ’90s, but today, as you watch me replace the…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 26-year-old Marcus Quinn, giving the appearance of a normal Millennial man on the surface, is completely incapable of expressing emojis, confirmed…
LOS ANGELES — Surgeons at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center completed an experimental procedure this morning, adding extra ribs to Morrissey’s aging body to prevent him…
Greetings, patriots. I don’t mean to alarm you, but There is a war happening in America right now and right under our noses. 51 percent of…
Taylor Swift’s new song “Look What You Made Me Do” was recently knocked from the number one chart position by rapper Cardi B’s “Bodak Yellow,”…
HUNTINGTON, N.Y. — Members of the Colombo family have successfully hidden their marijuana use from each other for years despite being open about it with…
ATLANTA — Georgia man Scott Stevens claimed today that the festival he’s attending has somehow prevented him from showering since Wednesday, despite the festival being…
These days there are no two words that make my blood boil more than “revenge porn.” To think that some scumbag would take advantage of…
LOS ANGELES — Hardcore legend Henry Rollins wore a black pair of shorts to the funeral service of a family friend late last week, multiple…
The only thing I love more than American soldiers is preparing to defend myself against them by stockpiling as much heavy weaponry as possible. I…
DENVER — University of Colorado freshman Gordon Brill attempted last week to reveal his affinity for the band They Might Be Giants to his new,…
ATLANTA — Festival performer Peaches made out with various concert-goers throughout the day on the Project Pabst kiss cam, footage confirmed. The kiss cam, meant…
Widespread oppression and under-representation of minority groups is an issue that plagues our society as a whole. This issue has gone on long enough and I…
Greek life on campus is a time-honored institution. However, in recent years fraternities and sororities have come under scrutiny for their questionable tradition of hazing…
BLOOMINGDALE, Ill. — Local retail employee Will Esposito was surprised last week to find Tower Records, his former place of employment, boarded up and abandoned…