CHESAPEAKE, Va. — A local dog was left anxiety-ridden and unable to finish his pile of vomit yesterday after being abandoned at home by his…
Whenever I have important life decisions like this “u up” text I have ready to fire off to my ex, I make sure to consult…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A new, punk-themed bed & breakfast that offers the “luxury of living like a real life punk” requires that renters bring their…
CAMDEN, N.J. — A green Bic lighter still hasn’t given up hope that it will one day no longer be absentmindedly pocketed by stoners and…
LOS ANGELES — Nü-metal darlings Limp Bizkit have worked with a local distillery to release their own exclusive, officially-licenced Chocolate Starfish and Hot Dog-flavored vodka,…
EAST NORTHPORT, N.Y. — Local teen Roderick Evans attempted last night to do the trick where you stab a knife between your outstretched fingers, disappointing…
I don’t like to brag, but I don’t think it’s too far off for me to say that I’m a better guitarist than about 99.99%…
AURORA, Ill. — Local man Wendell Banks drove a 2013 Prius hybrid to popular power-pop trio Fold-Out Fedora’s drive-in show last night, proudly displaying a…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Body positivity advocate and campaign spokesperson Brianna Martin openly worried today that the movement may have to include white people with dreadlocks…
SPOKANE, Wash. — The upcoming “Beavis and Butt-Head” revival on Comedy Central has finally given 41-year-old Paul Moreno a topic of conversation to share with…
QUEENS, N.Y. — Patrons of neighborhood dive The Rowdy Owl discovered yesterday that potentially contracting COVID-19 was the least dangerous part of the recently reopened…
We here at The Hard Times love guitar players! Sure, we might rag on them from time to time because they never practice, they’re always…
CHICAGO — Fast food behemoth McDonald’s announced today that they will remove the McRib from their menu worldwide to enable mascot Ronald McDonald to effectively…
Wow, that’s so incredibly gracious of you to reach out and share the carefully crafted demos you recorded in your friend’s basement while blackout drunk!…
BALTIMORE — Local barista Eli McDermott’s home is now completely furnished with the cast-off old furniture of his rich friend following his acquisition of his…