Looking back on my life I’ve realized that I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But these are the things you learn about yourself when storming…
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — President Biden made an attempt to win over Gen Z voters by appearing on stage at a Frankie Valli and the…
After being kicked out of the best psychedelic rock band of all time (Hawkwind, not Pink Floyd you posers) for doing the wrong type of…
“The Golden Bachelor” first captured the nation’s heart with a romantic tale of two widowed septuagenarians who were able to find love again later in…
Well, my book report on John Knowles’s “A Separate Peace” is due tomorrow and I am in a corner. All I could come up with…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — A domesticated pig found his life in jeopardy as he began to suspect his punk owner Kevin Gelinas only adopted him to…
It seems like wherever you look these days, we’re surrounded by people who’ve never known a minute of strife, let alone minor inconvenience. How nice…
LONG BEACH, Calif.—Aspiring musician Keith Brown’s practice space was transformed from a once-fun jam area to an utterly sexless dungeon, sources sadly confirmed. “Welcome to…
There was no better fighting force than the G.I. Joes back in the 1980s. These real American heroes put their lives on the line to…
LAS VEGAS – Former football star and accused double-murderer OJ Simpson took one last instinctual swipe at a blonde nurse standing nearby just before taking…
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Independent record shop Columbia Flophouse somberly announced the business’s going-out-of-business sale nearly two full weeks before the store was scheduled to…
Just about everyone is getting sober these days. Self-destructive musicians, degenerate friends, and even Aunt Linda are laying off the booze as of late. These…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Local masturbator James Matheson was overheard thoughtfully whispering to himself a historical poem about Alexander the Great upon reaching the last…
We’re big cinephiles over here at The Hard Times, and no, we don’t just mean we like MCU movies. Our love of film goes all…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12 to publicly pistol whip students…