ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — President Biden made an attempt to win over Gen Z voters by appearing on stage at a Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons concert wearing a brand new leather jacket and blue jeans, confirmed multiple retirement-aged sources.
“I’ve been a politician a long time, Jack, and I know you can’t make the young people come to you, you have to go where they are. I called up my old pal Frankie, we’ve known each other since the ‘50s when we drag-raced down by the old shipyard in our hotrods to win the heart of sweet Mary Anne. We were enemies then, but we became close friends over the years because all of our other friends died,” said President Biden. “He still pulls in a young crowd, I’m talking about people born after the Korean War here. They are the next generation, and I want to show them how slick I look in these dungarees. I might even join Frankie for a song or two.”
Concert attendee Katherine Wilson admitted she was flattered by the president constantly praising the crowd for their youthful looks.
“I just turned 68 last week and I’ve been feeling a little down about my age. I just became a great-grandmother for the third time, and my children are trying to sell my house so I can move into an elderly care facility permanently. So when President Biden said ‘You all look so great tonight’ it meant a lot to me, because I don’t recognize the person I see in the mirror anymore,” said Wilson. “I raised my kids the best way I knew how, and this is how they repay me? I swear they turned on me when their father died. They still blame me for that, you know. I guess I’m just the worst mother that ever existed and I’m sorry.”
Political analysts believe this was a gross miscalculation by President Biden.
“You can’t really blame the president. To him, everyone seems young. He’s so old he predates the Boomers. His generation doesn’t even have an interesting name, because there aren’t enough of them left to even justify thinking of one,” said left-leaning pundit Maurio Tiento. “If he wants to truly connect with Gen Z, someone is going to have to explain to them how old they actually are, and then convince him they are actually worth talking to. Because most people his age only communicate with Gen Zers through birthday cards they send in the mail with a $5 bill in there.”
President Biden announced his next campaign stop will be at a “Murder She Wrote” fan convention in Atlanta.