“The Golden Bachelor” first captured the nation’s heart with a romantic tale of two widowed septuagenarians who were able to find love again later in life, thanks to a few heavily produced dates and whatever (or whoever) went down in the Fantasy Suites. Gerry Turner reminded us that when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s never too late to meet that special someone.
And today, America’s grandzaddy has given viewers something additional to be hopeful about: the timeless ability to rush into an ill-considered betrothal, enjoy a few months of new relationship energy, and then burn it to the ground.
If you thought that bad relationship decisions were only for 20-somethings or people having midlife crises, check your ageist assumptions at the door. Because it turns out that you can have decades of life experience and STILL make a series of absolutely terrible choices that will leave your grandchildren shaking their heads and begging you to go to therapy.
Were there any signs that this marriage wasn’t going to last? Absolutely. Like how Gerry only asked Theresa what her job was right before the season finale, and also the fact that he murmured the L-word into the hearing-aid garnished ears of not one, but several other ladies in the midst of wooing his bride-to-be.
So it comes as no surprise that this silver fox wreaked just as much havoc in the hen house as a younger, redder fox would have. And that’s right, ladies, it didn’t even matter that there weren’t any eggs in there. Old people can be just as shitty as young people, which is a beautiful message that just might bring this broken country together again.
And as if the whirlwind courtship and sudden decoupling weren’t already #relationshipgoals, Gerry and Theresa have proclaimed that they’re still in love with each other and intend to remain best friends. They’ve entered toxic situationship territory, all but guaranteeing that they won’t be able to move on, while sabotaging any future dating prospects — and we ought to applaud them for it.
They’ve shown us without a shadow of a doubt that you’re only as old as you feel. And if you feel immature enough to marry a stranger on national television and divorce them before you’ve learned their middle name, then we can all hope to remain forever young at heart.