LOS ANGELES — Concertgoers at the Lovecraft Bar experienced complete, crushing disappointment late last night, when they heard potentially awesome metal band Evisceratops play a…
LOMBARD, Ill. — Panic and confusion set in at the AutoZone off of Main St. on Wednesday, when the entire staff, also known as the…
Satisfied Marilyn Manson has Rib Sewn Back On
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – Industrial rock legend Marilyn Manson had a previously removed pair of his ribs successfully reattached late last night in an unprecedented medical…
Jerry Seinfeld Pitches NBC A Show About Nothing
LOS ANGELES — Jerry Seinfeld, co-creator and star of the ’90s hit television sitcom Seinfeld, is reportedly in development talks with NBC Universal for a…
Nü-Metal Atheist Doesn’t Believe in Godsmack
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Rutgers University sophomore Mike Holloway declared today that he “doesn’t believe in Godsmack,” calling himself a “nü-metal atheist, fighting for truth…
(WATCH) Lowriders: Bass Player Support Group
Under-appreciated bass players need a place they can go where people understand them. Luckily, Ryan Long and The Hard Times have found that space, and recorded some…
Gibson Flying V’s Migrate to Warmer, Harder-Rocking Climates for Winter
DENVER — Avid guitarwatchers gathered earlier today at Sloan’s Lake Park to watch the last flock of Gibson Flying V’s take flight on their annual…
Long-Lost Mastodon Demo Tape Found Frozen in Russian Tundra
SIBERIA — Musicologists on an expedition to capture field recordings of shamanic doom metal bands in Siberia have discovered a long-lost Mastodon demo tape frozen…
B.C. Rich Warlock Named People’s Sexiest Man Alive
NEW YORK — After over a decade of predictably attractive, slightly edgy white men claiming the top spot, People magazine has finally chosen the first…
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Fans and critics alike say stoner metal band Wand Luthier has redefined the genre with their debut album, The Blazed Among…
CHICAGO – After decades as giants of the heavy metal genre, the popular band Disturbed entered an immediate, indefinite hiatus following the sudden exit of…
EMMAUS, Pa. — A tense and confusing scene unfolded this morning as musician Eddie Vedder, singer of iconic grunge band Pearl Jam, struggled to communicate…
Oh No! Mom’s New Boyfriend Is Tony From Victory Records!
Oh no! If you thought moving to Chicago after Dad left was gonna be rough before, look out! Mom’s new boyfriend is here to pick…
New Sammy Hagar Tequila Puts Too Much Hair On Your Chest
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico – Former Van Halen frontman Sammy Hagar has started testing a new addition to his Cabo Wabo tequila line called Cabo…
ÖRNSKÖLDSVIK, Sweden — Metalhead Scott Armstrong hoarded his savings for nearly two years to take a pilgrimage to the “Mecca of Metal,” Sweden, only to…