OAKLAND, Calif. — Local man Jeff Beeswick reportedly can’t decide whether to pronounce foreign words like some sort of pompous asshole or an uncultured idiot…
KINGSTON, Jamaica — Reggae singer and exonerated philanderer Shaggy released a tell-all book recently titled “If It Was Me, Here’s How It Happened,” in response…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Promoters at a recent local show agreed that they would bump the door fee up three dollars for any individual who…
LONDON — Virtuoso violinist Hans Kriegsman came to the difficult realization that he plays in a glorified cover band while performing Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A freegan crust punk was left horrified and repulsed after discovering where the food in the dumpster behind his local Burger King…
PURCHASE, N.Y. — Local woman Elle Rice winced this morning while waiting for her black coffee refill as the song “Fade Into You” by Mazzy…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Insurance claims adjuster Jason Parkinson became frustrated this morning over the unhelpful password recovery hint that he created, which only made retrieving…
BROOKLYN — Indie rock musician Kirby Wardle would do just about anything to get a crowd at one of his shows like the one currently…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Forty-year-old punk Dave Taverston reportedly hit his limit for new music he is physically and psychologically capable of consuming earlier this week,…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A decrepit pair of jeans shook themselves fiercely in an attempt to rip themselves free of a local man’s legs as an…
EARTH — Punks around the globe who are unsatisfied with oppressive global systems designed to benefit a few powerful individuals at the expense of everyone…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Lyle Ponsinon recently made the decision to focus on ensuring the collapse of small, local…
LOS ANGELES — Astrology enthusiast Allison Cleary remains unaware that she is merely two TikTok videos away from interacting with an algorithm dedicated to spreading…
GLENDALE, Ariz. — Duncan Figeroa, a forty-six father of two, broke a world record earlier today when he said the phrase “sounds like R.E.M.” for…
ROCK SPRINGS, Wyo. — Recently divorced woman Marie Nowak can now finally say she has one thing in common with her parents following the dissolution…