KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The excited feeling local punk Cassie Ringo felt when learning of a band coming to town was immediately overpowered by the…
Excitement of Band Coming to Town Snuffed Out by Thought of Leaving House to See Band Coming to Town
SAN FRANCISCO — Local single woman Maya Cook is taking technology into her own hands after having become frustrated with the amount of time she…
LIMA, Ohio — A debate over payment and use of a venue on the outskirts of Lima has reportedly been taken over by authorities from…
SUNVIEW, Ariz. — A local punk scene is committing to their decision to keep well-known abuser and the only keyboardist anyone knows, Matt Hulls, in…
January 22nd marks the 49th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that enshrined the right of women to get abortions without…
NEW YORK — New safe injection site, Harm Reduction and Education Center, was deemed “fascist” by Marcus “Scuzz” Benitez after refusing to let him put…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Your horny aunt Gladys created an air of tension after expressing a deep and carnal interest in your Type O Negative shirt…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Recent newlyweds and longtime couple Darren Oltowski and Denice Landry have recently begun dabbling in perfunctory, boring, and banal acts of…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local woman Carmen Sullivan was found dead this morning after the wire of her earbuds became caught around a door handle, causing…
INDIANAPOLIS — 18-year-old Christian Mingle opened a lawsuit against his parents early yesterday afternoon in regard to his given name, according to sources attempting to…
MASSAPEQUA, N.Y. — Self-proclaimed “experimental indie” band True Friction are horrified to see that their “Related Artists” tab on Spotify is populated by pop-punk and…
WASHINGTON — President Biden downplayed the failures of his infrastructure and voting rights bills earlier today and instead took full credit for the impressive nostalgic…
LOS ANGELES — A new film titled “Great Again” featuring famed director Clint Eastwood reciting and acting out boomer memes he came across on Facebook…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Extremely circumspect spray paint addict, Calvin Roberts, is said to be back to wiping down his cans before inhaling them recreationally out…
PITTSBURGH — The men’s room toilet at Skelly’s Tavern is seeking treatment after going through a dark period and hopes this is the year it…