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Leaky Roof Bucket Moonlighting as Drum Throne

ATHENS, Ga. — A five-gallon bucket generally kept under leaks in the roof of local venue, Little King’s Shuffle Club, is also making debuts on the stage as a drum throne, according to sources.

“There’s more than meets the eye with this old girl,” drummer Milo Rowsdower stated, referring to the bucket. “I was on tour with my band, Fia Marrow, taking a bathroom break on the side of the road when I first spotted her. ‘Damn, that’s a nice bucket, I could totally piss in that,’ was my first thought, but something told me there was more going on here. As luck would have it, the backline at the venue we played later that night forgot a drum throne so I tried her out and the rest is history. I wiped her down a bit, branded her with some band stickers and brought her home with me to Athens.”

The bucket has been more than welcome back in Rosdower’s hometown where throws for her attention appear to be quite competitive.

“I’m glad Milo enjoys the bucket, but first and foremost, its principal use is in its uncanny ability to hold liquids,” Rowsdower’s boss and Little King’s Shuffle Club owner, Hardy Backer stated. “He can’t expect to bring a valuable tool into this establishment and just flip it over and stick his ass on it whenever he pleases. We have a vintage vibe to maintain, and I have a fuck load of messes to clean. Vomit, piss, beer, that stinky mold that grows in keg tap lines… this bucket’s taken it all for me.”

Rowsdower’s bandmates seem to be the only ones struggling to find enthusiasm for the ingenuity and cost savings of the multifaceted bucket.

“I dunno, man, I just feel like Milo could spend a little of his paycheck on buying a real drum throne at this point,” bandmate Carter Wilson said, noting it’s been in the band rotation for a full four years now. “It’s either raining and we have to postpone shows so it can collect rainwater, or some college kid has alcohol poisoning and needs a barf bucket ASAP. It’s always something. Aside from the squabbling between Hardy and Milo for who gets to use the bucket that night, it only ever gets cleaned when it’s raining so the piss and vomit stains really accumulate.”

At press time, “rodent maternity ward” was added to the list of the bucket’s many uses after a rat gave birth inside of it after a recent band practice.

Photo by Jana Miller.