ST. LOUIS — Diehard Tool fan Glenn “Stinkfist” Miranda missed the band’s entire set after a brief display of martial arts resulted in him getting…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local photographer Tyler Pettiston suggested that ska band Passive SKAggression maybe try a serious one after hours of silly poses and cartoonish…
ATHENS, Ga. — A five-gallon bucket generally kept under leaks in the roof of local venue, Little King’s Shuffle Club, is also making debuts on…
NEW YORK — A local dry cleaner called Talking Heads frontman David Byrne this morning informing him that they still have the giant suit he…
COOKEVILLE, Tenn. — Cautious guitarist Samuel Tollins is almost ready to fart near his new Fender American Professional II Stratocaster after three months of being…
LOS ANGELES — A new film titled “Great Again” featuring famed director Clint Eastwood reciting and acting out boomer memes he came across on Facebook…
BOSTON — Recent Northeastern University alumni James Gillen is aggressively spreading awareness of the atrocities committed by Christopher Columbus to his friends, confirmed sources who…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Oblivious dork Chazz Dorfner continued to irk the few acquaintances willing to tolerate him with his limitless cheeriness and old-timey sayings,…
LOS ANGELES — A seemingly innocuous Spotify pop-punk playlist was ordered by a judge at the Los Angeles superior court to stay at least 100…
GRESHAM, Ore. — Local bargain hunter Terry Hodges was relieved to discover that the writhing, chaotic mass of humanity trampling him in order to procure…
HOMEWOOD, Ill. — First responders are attempting to reach a group of fathers that became stuck when a local man-cave weakened and toppled around them…
ELDERSBURG, Md. — The appeal of joining a “throuple” for local woman Denise Hubbard was completely obliterated by prospective partners Micah Herrera and Lorenzo Cummings’…