Matt McInerney
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ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Local man Ronny Stout’s blacked-out knuckle tattoos are forcing neighbors to assume the worst about what it…
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Rhiannon Shaw
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WASHINGTON — The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced today that they reintroduced the American jock to the ecosystem in…
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James Knapp
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HARTFORD, Conn. — Elder millennial Thomas Sharpe is reportedly in “critical and deteriorating condition” after erroneously believing that his haggard…
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Traye Holland
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LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Local man Gregory Cross had a distinct mullet that either made him seem like the most…
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Joe Rumrill
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SESAME STREET — The owner of used record store Mono Mono (Doot-Doo DooDooDoo) rejected a large clutch of records from…
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Kyle Duggan
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Carl Weathers, actor, professional football player, and the only subject I could talk to my father about for more than…
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Chris Bowen
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PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. — Punxsutawney Phil, he world's most famous groundhog, admitted he did not see his shadow which is expected…
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Matt McInerney
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PALO ALTO, Calif. — A hot new startup company just launched a revolutionary weather app for aging punks that lets…
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Charles Bill
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PORTLAND, Ore. —Sneakerheads around the country are celebrating after Adidas announced that they’ll be liquidating their stocks of remaining Yeezy…
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John Danek
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MORGANTOWN, W. Va. — Local dad and all-around asshole Bert Smilovic failed to understand criticism of his storytelling techniques which…
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