NEW YORK — The legal team representing former president Donald Trump, currently on trial for alleged hush money paid to pornstar Stormy Daniels, entered piles upon piles of handwritten letters addressed to Santa as evidence early this morning In a confounding strategic pivot, courtroom sources confirmed.
“Take a good look, your honor,” said Trump defender Todd Blanche motioning confidently to a heap of Christmas wish lists from around the country. “Over 100,000 handwritten letters all addressed to Santa Claus at his workshop in the North Pole. That’s an awful lot of physical mail for a person who ‘doesn’t exist,’ don’t you think? I know these black-hearted prosecutors are going to object on the grounds of relevance but keep in mind jurors that these big city lawyers are objecting to the hopes and dreams of all children.”
The bizarre response to Stormy Daniels’s damning testimony yesterday, in which she confirmed having sex with the former president and being paid for her silence, left jurors feeling off balance.
“At first I really didn’t understand how letters to Sants Claus had anything to do with the matter at hand,” reported one juror. “They just kept reading letter after letter out loud and when they got to one kid asking for a new Dad so his Mom wouldn’t be sad all the time, I just broke down and cried because I wrote a letter exactly like that to Santa 25 years ago. I don’t even remember why we’re here at this point, but you know what? I believe.”
Trump appeared 100% committed to the new legal strategy in his comments to the press outside the courthouse.
“Let it be known that if I do lose this trial, it’s for being bold enough to believe that Timmy deserves a new scooter for his good grades, that Lisa should receive an American Girl doll for being nice to her little brother all year long, that maybe, just maybe, there’s a little magic in this world after all,” said Trump. “The Dems, they don’t believe in the Christmas spirit, they really don’t, but I do, and I will go to jail for Mr. Kringle in a heartbeat if need be.”
As of press time, Santa could not be reached for comment, a fact Blanche attributes to the mainstream media “not being pure of heart.”