LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local weirdo Arnold Hauser posted on the popular community app, Nextdoor, that everyone in his neighborhood is safe around him because he…
SAN MATEO, Calif. — Multimedia tech CEO, Peter Avakian, held a mandatory all-hands meeting to ensure every employee was present for an iPhone slideshow from…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor and Republican Presidential Candidate, Ron DeSantis, promised that, if elected, he would change the fifty stars section of the American…
RICHMOND, Va. — Avid punk and reluctant father, John Husk Sr., looked stunningly glowing during his son’s first-ever court appearance yesterday for assaulting three officers,…
MILWAUKEE — A child bass player with terminal cancer was denied her dying wish to play lead guitar by the Make-A-Wish Foundation as it interfered…
NASHVILLE — Local bartender Otis Fuller is now just as covered in stickers as the grimey surfaces of the disgusting venue where he works, sources…
LOS ANGELES — Self-proclaimed singer-songwriter Otto LaMont stated he was done pursuing his secondary dreams of being a musician and that it’s high time he…
Traditions can eat a dick. They’re always accompanied by violent cultural baggage or a devastating family memory involving my Aunt. However, a few years back,…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local Pantera fan Blane Butts referred to another customer at Ingles Supermarket as an “intellectual” yesterday in an apparent attempt to insult…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local crust punk Skye Mathtison is leaning hard into self-help culture for 2024, pinning pictures of his deepest desires of the dirtiest…
ORLANDO — Local GG Allin impersonator Darius Boone was arrested last week on a slew of charges directly related to his tribute to his musical…