WASHINGTON — Leading members of the Democratic Party scrambled to open a slew of bank accounts to store the money they hope to raise from…
ANNAPOLIS, Md. — Local library systems technician Gary Harris was arrested early Tuesday and charged with impersonating a police officer after it was determined he…
SINGAPORE — Members of grindcore trio Wormrot announced their vocalist Arif Rot is being replaced by the random goat that became an internet sensation after…
Eichlers is pioneering a new genre dubbed “HYPERSKA”; an infectiously catchy mix of electronic melodies and “My Checkered Future” is the first album from the…
FOLSOM, Calif. — 35-year-old felon and recent inductee in the Folsom Aryan Brotherhood, Jeremiah Stetson expressed his desire to add more diverse voices to his…
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah — Conservative politicians and activists in Utah declared victory today when they passed a new law that will effectively limit all…
SAN FRANCISCO — Richest man in the world, Elon Musk, acquired Twitter earlier today and will immediately begin rewriting the company’s history to show he…
HYANNIS, Mass. — Local man Eddie Whitman surprised mourners at the funeral of his “best friend” Andreas Pimentel by relitigating the Myspace “Top 8” order…
BOSTON — Prospective police officer and unapologetic bigot, Danny Connor, promised friends and family that if he becomes a cop he will use his position…
NORWELL, Mass. — Local punk Andy Walsh was shocked to discover that a coffee table book featuring various Russian prison tattoos randomly appeared on his…
NEWPORT, R.I. — Local hardcore kid Luke Tappe finally unveiled his 2021 Spotify wrapped after consuming countless YouTube tutorials and graduating from an eight-week Photoshop…
NEW YORK — A team of researchers at Fordham University discovered that “we run this city” is the most common phrase said by affluent, slightly…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention director Rochelle Walensky released a new set of guidelines for St. Patrick’s Day revelers prepared to…
LOS ANGELES — Police precincts across the country are joining forces to send supplies of water, body armor, and tear gas to help Russian cops…
PUEBLO, Colo. — A local man’s plan to introduce his childhood best friend of over 20 years to his adult best friend for the past…