NASHUA, N.H. — Local punk Andreas Howell expressed dismay that his best days were behind him and lamented the fact he may have peaked during the 12 weeks he was taking night classes to receive his GED, confirmed sources trying to reassure him about his bright future.
“I was king of that adult education class, I really was. I’d show up on my moped and all the other classmates would sit in awe of it while I locked it to the bike rack,” said Howell while looking through “graduation” photos. “The drummer of my band was the janitor in the building so sometimes I’d cut class and go get high with him in the parking lot. It really was the best quarter of a year I’d ever had. Not a care in the world other than the fact the class was court-ordered and if I didn’t get my GED it would be a violation of my probation.”
Howell’s long-term girlfriend Rosa Escudero says she is constantly being told stories of the three months he spent at the adult education annex.
“I’m going to snap the next time he tells me about the time he convinced the entire class to turn their desks backward. Like, who fucking cares? He was 31 years old when he took that class, I don’t know why he thinks that’s a funny anecdote,” said Escudero. “Then there is the fact he happened to win the March Madness bracket the class started. It was complete luck, but he talks about it like he was a starter for Duke. Maybe I’ll sign him up for a ceramics class or something so he can feel like he’s reliving his glory days instead of moping around all the time.”
Sociologist Lara Hsu says punks always romanticize the past and believe their best days are in the rearview mirror.
“Ask any punk and they will always say ‘the scene was better ten years ago.’ This attitude carries over to all aspects of a punk’s life. They often think their current band sucks, venues are getting worse, and that cocaine just isn’t as strong,” said Hsu. “But nostalgia is a powerful drug in itself. Some punks never learn to live in the present, they become the old guy that sits at home writing Facebook comments on photos of Joe Strummer that say ‘we need to bring back real punk’ and other stupid vague shit that has no real meaning.”
At press time, Howell was telling a group of disinterested friends about the time he tossed a wadded-up ball of paper into the wastebasket all the way from the back of the room one second before the bell rang.