Like many Americans, I am awake at three in the goddamn morning in a seemingly endless anxiety loop. As I stare at my alarm clock…
Sleeping. It is literally the goddamned best. You just lay there, you don’t have to do anything, you don’t even have to have thoughts. We…
We all know that the classic Parker Brothers board game Monopoly can bring out the worst in people. Friendships, relationships, and even familial bonds have…
Movies. They just keep getting more profitable, and thus better. There’s just one problem. A small, insignificant faction of the people who make you the…
Doing an escape room together can be a rich bonding experience for your whole family. We say “can be” because it won’t be, because you’re…
Well another election cycle is upon us, and as per usual the GOP roster is an absolute mess. No matter what your enterprise is, you…
Birds. They’re majestic, they’re symbolic, they’re entirely made up. As anyone in the know knows, all birds were eradicated by the early ’70s and replaced…
Today is the day I chose to buckle down and start my job search. I’ve been gearing up for it all week. I told my…
For as long as I can remember every day of my life has been plagued with feelings of emptiness, inadequacy, and loathing for myself and…
One of the cool things about the decline of America is that they sell shrooms at bodegas now. I walked out of that corner store…
Well, it’s been a pretty wild few weeks. I am certainly grateful and humbled by the viral success of my song “Rich Men North of…
Humanity has always feared the unknown, and in our hubris, we like to think that every creature on earth has already been discovered. Why then…
Family game night is an excellent way to bring your deepest darkest resentments and conflicts with the people closest to you right up to the…
Ever Since I was 10 years old and saw a t-shirt with the cast of “The Simpsons” made to look like “The Sopranos,” I knew…
Personalities can be hard to cultivate. Many people find the self-awareness, honesty, and leg work involved in developing them to be daunting. Luckily, life provides…