Sleeping. It is literally the goddamned best. You just lay there, you don’t have to do anything, you don’t even have to have thoughts. We wish we could sleep forever. Don’t even wake us up when September ends, just shut up and leave us alone.
Fall is the perfect time for sleeping. The weather gets cooler, the days start to get shorter and that pesky serotonin stops spiking and motivating you. Fall is also the perfect time for a number of other activities. We compiled the top 30, ranked them all against taking a nap and guess what? We’re taking a nap. Go ahead and check our work if you like, we could care less, we’ve got pillows to drool on.
The scenery is nice for the first hour or so, then you’re bored. You can’t even take a boredom nap because sleeping on the ground sucks. Camping is dead last by a mile.
30. Holiday Shopping
Just imagining the mindset of someone who would enjoy getting a headstart on holiday capitalism makes us wanna lay down.
29. Go To A Sporting Event
Really don’t see the appeal here. Yes, the cooler weather means you won’t bake in the stands, but you could just watch sports at home, and for that matter you could watch one of the millions of things better than sports instead, and while you’re watching that you can fall asleep which is inarguably the best part.
Do you like sitting on a bunch of horse food that pokes your skin while you get dragged around a farm? No, of course you don’t. You like sleeping in your bed.
27. Apple Picking
You know apples, the food you never buy at the store anyway? What if we told you that you could drive way further than the supermarket, walk for miles outside picking them yourself, and pay way more for them? You would tell us to go screw and you would take a nap, right? We would for sure.
26. Visit A Sunflower Field
You’re all like “Pretty.” and they’re all like “You wanna buy some?” and you’re all like “No Thanks.” cause what are you going to do with a sunflower and aagh it’s just an awkward mess, just thinking about it makes me tired.
25. Take A Class
School is back, and not just for kids! Why not spend your free time taking a community college course, like film study, or a foreign language? Oh, right, because if you have time to do that, you have time to nap. Pass.
24. DIY Decorations
I mean what are you trying to prove, that you like fall? Are you afraid you’re going to say “I like fall” one day and some big fall-head is gonna call you out like “Show me three decorative wreaths you made out of pinecones and that weird corn you don’t eat!” Would you even want to hang out with someone like that anyway?
23. Knit A Scarf
Whether you want to add a personal touch to your own wardrobe or make someone special a thoughtful gift, it’s going to cost you 6 hours where you could totally be sleeping.
22. Check Out New TV Shows
This runs the risk of nulling you into a dullard and will probably just put you to sleep anyway.
21. Photo Shoot
You know how much your life improves if people on Instagram know you bought a new flannel shirt and believe you enjoy the outdoors? None at all. Sleep, on the other hand, has a number of mental and physical benefits.
20. Pumpkin Spiced Lattes
Why not hit up your best local coffee shop and treat yourself to an afternoon pumpkin spice latte? Well, maybe because you already drink enough caffeine to kill a baby horse just to wake up every goddamn morning and 4 extra espresso shots will send you into a manic episode.
19. Corn Maze
Have you ever been walking and said to yourself “Boy, I wish this made me feel like an idiot”? Of course not, no one has.
18. Farmers Market
There’s a lot of squashes you can only get at farmers markets in the fall. Some are edible, and some are just decorative, and they don’t tell you which is which you’re just supposed to know. It’s gatekeeping, and it makes me sleepy.
17. Apple Cider Donuts
They’re like regular donuts, but further away from your house and not as good. Why aren’t we sleeping again?
Hiking is a wonderful compromise you make with yourself when you feel guilty for not actually working out, but then you go to do it and it’s actually kind of hard. Why put yourself through that when there’s a perfect sunbeam right at pillow level right now?