Sleeping. It is literally the goddamned best. You just lay there, you don’t have to do anything, you don’t even have to have thoughts. We…
Excuse me, did you just say white people don’t like spices? Well, how can that be the case when I’m on my third pumpkin spice…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local bar fly Brock Cooper accomplished the impossible after he tumbled down five full flights of stairs without spilling a single drop…
NEWBURGH, N.Y. — A romantic day-date activity was undergone and endured by a local couple early yesterday morning, sources who are glad to be back…
Fall is in the air and it’s time to bring the seasonal flair! Try these ten genius life hacks to up your autumn game this…
AMHERST, Mass. — Smorth College announced today that instead of face-to-face instruction, it will release its fall semester classes on vinyl, citing pandemic concerns. “This…
ALLSTON, Mass. — Teachers and students at Allston High School were enthusiastically told moments ago by goth classmate Willow Bates that pagans invented the entire…
SAN FRANCISCO — A young San Franciscan couple enjoyed the beginnings of autumn this weekend, relishing the sight of a homeless person in the Mission…
BETHESDA, Md. — A grande-sized pumpkin spice latte for Karen called the police moments ago on a black cold brew coffee sitting on the other…
PLEASANTON, Calif. — Local punk Jesse Watson is breaking out his collection of AFI records earlier and earlier each year, fellow seasonally sensitive sources confirmed.…
ROCKAWAY, N.J. — A sultry outfit depicting infamous musician and record producer Steve Albini is the most sought-after costume this Halloween season, according to Party…
Merry autumnal equinox, fuckers! That’s right, it’s finally the time of year when the leather jacket you wore all summer is actually necessary and endless…
NEW YORK — The legendary art-rock band the Velvet Underground eagerly anticipate the band’s upcoming discovery by thousands of college freshmen this fall semester and subsequent…
ATLANTA — A local foot is being hailed as a hero after jumping into action to save a falling iPhone from landing full force on an unforgiving concrete…
You can feel it when you walk outside: Fall is here. I’ve always loved the beautiful leaves blowing in the wind as they change color, the pumpkins…