Page 5 – HARDTIMES

July 30, 2024

ST. LOUIS — Local wedding DJ Ron “Mixmaster” McAllister was left in a state of utter bewilderment last Saturday after…

July 26, 2024

LAS VEGAS — Heavy metal band Five Finger Death Punch recently transformed their merchandise table into a fully functioning Army…

July 20, 2024

LEMI, Finland — The International Heavy Metal Association (IHMA) agreed today to accept that “Beer” and “Professional Wrestling” will be…

July 11, 2024

WASHINGTON — An army of dads from across the nation descended upon the capital in a wave of cargo shorts…

July 6, 2024

Limp Bizkit’s ‘Significant Other’ has hit the quarter-century mark this year and so does the anniversary of you losing your…

July 4, 2024

“It's a beautiful day, the beaches are open and people are having a wonderful time!” To celebrate one of the…

June 26, 2024

LOS ANGELES — Occasional musician and filmmaker Rob Zombie admitted that his foray into the cinematic arts was driven by…

June 15, 2024

In a world full of gourmet options and high culinary standards, I, Tony DeMarco of Tony’s Pizzeria in the middle…

June 13, 2024

GLENDALE, Calif. — Disney's beloved icon Mickey Mouse was unceremoniously fired after a decades-old airbrushed image of him smoking a…

May 31, 2024

CHICAGO — Local metalhead and avid drinker Stephen Mullins realized he needs to donate increasingly larger amounts of blood and…