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Metal Band That Hates Ghost Excited to Be Opening for Ghost This Summer

NEW YORK — Heavy metal outfit Awakened Flesh, vocal critics of arena rock band Ghost both in person and on social media, is said to be ecstatic to be opening for that very band this summer, sources close to Awakened Flesh report.

“Ghost is the Toys ‘R’ Us of heavy metal, a generic rip off of Alice Cooper made to sell t-shirts to mall goths. That said, we are super stoked to be opening for Tobias [Forge] and the Nameless Ghouls on the East Coast leg of their American tour in August,” frontman Darrin Elliott said while deleting tweets he had posted last year. “We want to thank them for this opportunity and hope they realize that everything we have said about them was out of love and respect for their craft. Obviously when I said ‘I’d rather have both my ears fucked by a grizzly bear than listen to Ghost’ it was totally tongue in cheek.”

The members of Ghost do not seem to mind the hate that they receive from their tour support.

“It is all in good fun. Our style isn’t for everyone and we can understand if other metal bands feel we aren’t true to the genre,” Tobias Forge said while dawning an Awakened Flesh shirt. “We like to give smaller bands a chance to shine on the big stage because we have been graced with some fortunate good luck in the music industry. Honestly, it’s been such a ride and we can’t wait to share a little of the spotlight, even if these guys used to send our record label boxes full of diarrhea labeled ‘New Ghost Demo.’ We know it was them, even if they don’t admit it.”

Psychologist and heavy metal fan Dr. Claire Coleman says that this is an all too common situation within the scene.

“We call it the Metallica paradox. Smaller bands spend their time bashing acts that have succeeded only to pretend they never said those things when the major act gives them a leg up,” Coleman said while trying to score Ghost tickets on Ticketmaster. “Suddenly acts like Korn and Linkin Park are no longer sellouts to MTV, but pioneers that redefined the sound of the genre. I guess they big acts don’t mind it as they sleep soundly on their piles of cash. Fuckin’ sellouts”

As of press time, Elliott had been kicked out of Awakened Flesh for admitting that Ghost did have a few good tracks on their early records.