Has the passion drained from your bedroom? If so, you’ll want to spice things up with a mix of tried-and-true and adventurous sex positions. So we compiled five mind-blowing, toe-curling, earth-shattering sexual positions before we realized you’re just on Prozac so none of these will make you orgasm anyway.
Missionary
Ah, an oldie but a goldie. At least this way you can look deep into your partner’s eyes and keep reassuring them that you are enjoying yourself despite a complete lack of energy and passion. Why bother varying it up? It won’t make a difference.
Doggy Style
You can say this is another basic one but it honestly doesn’t matter what position you’re in. You’ll be lucky if you can stay hard long enough for your partner to get on let alone get off. At least in this position you can stare off into space and plan your next psychiatrist appointment.
The Rear Admiral
Hey, it is the 2020’s and a little backyard play is no longer seen as taboo. Maybe a little stimulation from the backdoor will get your engine purring once again. Then again, most likely, it is just going to hurt and give you something else to complain about.
Mystical Mirage
To be honest I had ChatGPT create this one. I am going to assume it has something to do with using a rubber phallus instead of your normal member since you can’t stay hard anymore.
The Bouncy Castle
I don’t even know what this one is but my big brother’s friends told me about it when I was a kid. I assume it has something to do with rubber sheets and helium. That sounds like an awful lot of work. How about you just go catch up on The Mandalorian? You know that’s what you really want to do.