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Bandmate With Kids Naively Thinks He’s Still in Band

MILWAUKEE — Local guitarist and dad of two, Andy Kim, innocently believes that he is still a member of local metal outfit Flesh Breath even though he hasn’t played a show or even practiced with the band since having his first child over a year and a half ago, sources close to the family report.

“I still practice my guitar, unplugged of course, when the kids are down for a nap, so I think once the kids are a little older I’ll have some more time, and me and the guys can start playing shows again,” Kim said quietly while washing bottles. “I’m excited to get back into the practice space and maybe hit the road for a weekend trip when the kids are teenagers. Of course, I’ll have to clear it with the wife first but I’m sure she’ll be ok with me giving the band like an hour a week, well half an hour with travel time.”

The other members of Flesh Breath, however, disagree.

“We all love Andy but we are trying to get signed to Relapse, not sit around waiting for stupid little kids to understand the concept of object permanence. We replaced him as soon as he told us his wife was pregnant again,” Flesh Breath drummer Walter Dunn said just before a show Kim was never told about. “He still texts me every week to say that he’s sorry but he can’t make it to rehearsal. You’d think since I haven’t replied he would get the message that we moved on. Every once in a while I’ll get a message saying he is on his way only for him to cancel at the last minute. I’m never too worried that he’ll ever actually show up.”

Psychologist Erica Montgomery says this is a very common occurrence among young parents.

“These people believe that they are going to be able to continue the life they lead before they had children and they are, obviously, fooling themselves,” Montgomery said while nursing her 4-month-old over Zoom. “They also hold onto this fantasy that their friends are just going to wait around for them to have some free time when clearly they are using their ample free time and excess money to live a life these new parents could only dream about.”

As of press time, Kim is waiting to tell the band he sold most of his guitars to buy diapers and formula.