Clara Endres
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PHILADELPHIA — Highly influential emo band Crowquill reportedly split today after producing just 30 minutes of recorded music and playing…
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Nick Ortolani
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PLAINSVILLE, Iowa — Local virgin Andy Wardell grew concerned yesterday that his future sexual intercourse may resemble the acts described…
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Billy Patterson
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WASHINGTON — Disturbing new research from the Brookings Institute has found that thousands of young, white men across America are…
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Jimmy Adamson
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WARRENVILLE, Ill. — Local sixth grader Billy Luetzen suffered a crushing embarrassment yesterday after writing “Megadeath” instead of “Megadeth” on…
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Kevin Flynn
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HYRULE — Feeling completely shaken after pulling the Master Sword from its pedestal, unlocking the path to the Sacred Realm and…
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Kevin Tit
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COSTA MESA, Calif. — Local man Nate Mullins, a self-described “punker” and the world’s youngest Pennywise fan, turned 40 years…
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Patrick Crooks
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NAZARETH, Pa. — Local teen Brian Miller found his father’s old stash of Playboys while snooping through the garage late…
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Mark Hassenfratz
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TULSA, Okla. — Local punk Eddie Abrams’s plans to retire are reportedly contingent upon his dying young and nothing else,…
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Dan Kozuh
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PORTSMOUTH, Va. — 24-year-old metalhead Jim Rainer expertly passed himself off as a middle-aged dock worker yesterday, without any additional…
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Patrick Coyne
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ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. — 21-year-old Marcy McDaniels voluntarily lied about her age last night to get backstage at a show…
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