SAN DIEGO — Local show attendee Sean Jessey had no choice but to purchase unwanted concert merch to avoid admitting publicly that he’d spent 30…
Congratulations, you’ve managed to sneak into your nemesis’ inner sanctum (or home office). Now all that’s left to do is wait in their extra tall…
CHICAGO — Local Pandemonium Fest attendee Sam Garcia waited longer for an Uber to pick them up than it took the festival to begin, end,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Recently engaged couple Bonnie Drake and Dexter Hummits revealed their intentions to wait until marriage to have sex with other people, sources…
Okay, I’m cool. Sure I’ve had 11 PBRs on an empty stomach, but there is no way I’m gonna be in the bathroom when Shit…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local punk band Cosmic Failure startled virtual show attendees last night when they logged out of Zoom and logged back in for…
NEW YORK — HBO replaced its popular late night talk-show “Last Week Tonight” with “A Week Tonight” following a deterioration of host John Oliver’s ability…
BOSTON — Longtime fans of local hardcore band Turkey Neck report 30-year-old frontman Ryan Walsh is leaving his shirt on deeper into their sets than…
INDIANAPOLIS — Oskar Wesley, the 15-year-old frontman of the winner of the 2019 Indianapolis Public School System Battle of the Bands, announced in an interview…
RICHMOND, Va. — Researchers and social archaeologists at Virginia Commonwealth University discovered last week that the first-ever house show scheduled still has yet to begin,…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local dog and punk house resident Haley stared hopefully at the side of a stage last night after touring band Rage Party finished…
LAS VEGAS — U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders could not take the debate stage until he found someone to take over his post at his…
BOSTON — Saxophone player Justin Walker has fulfilled his childhood dream of “being able to just sort of stand around and wait” professionally, after recently…
CHICAGO — A pair of tickets to Riot Fest purchased several months ago is reportedly the only thing keeping local couple Chloe Jackson and Reese…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon has officially decided he’ll “give it a few days” before telling his roommates about the weird bites found…