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Wait for Uber After Festival Lasts Longer Than Festival

CHICAGO — Local Pandemonium Fest attendee Sam Garcia waited longer for an Uber to pick them up than it took the festival to begin, end, and break down most of the stages, impatient sources confirmed.

“I mean, I paid $250 and the drivers keep canceling. Sure all the roads are blocked off and there’s thousands of people also waiting for an Uber, but these companies should be able to figure out how to get me to my hotel,” Garcia said as they stood in the crowd at the only exit from the festival grounds. “I only live half a mile away. It would probably be quicker if I just walked to wherever the Uber was, so it can take me home. Looks like the closest one’s three miles away at this point.”

Rideshare driver Bert McClaine defended the long wait times.

“I drive for several different apps and noticed this meatball requesting and canceling different ones after seeing I was 15 minutes away. Whenever I actually make it over to the designated rideshare pickup spot seven blocks from the festival, no one is there and I’m forced to cancel after a few minutes,” McClaine explained. “Anyway, I would only be getting about $4 out of the $250 for the whole thing, the app takes the rest. It’s not really worth it at that point, I’ll just go pick up some drunks at the bar on the other side of town and hope they remember to leave a tip on the app several weeks later.”

Jamie Davis, another festival goer, didn’t seem to have any trouble getting home.

“I didn’t have any problems whatsoever. I rode the bus, it took half an hour. Weird that the bus was almost completely empty,” Davis said. “Although I did have to wait in a line at the festival for five hours just to get a beer. That was about eight bands’ worth of stage time I missed. But it was totally worth it to have something to hold while I watched the two sets I was able to go to.”

At press time, Garcia was seen still waiting for an Uber while screaming about how no one wants to work anymore.