ATHENS, Ohio — Self-described lover of crystals, energy healing, and astrology Emma Cobb is reportedly only into hobbies that allow her to casually stereotype people,…
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Local punk band Butcher Paper ostensibly only formed to garner attention by way of constant death threats and doxxing, music fans and…
WASHINGTON — A new commission on Socializing, Relationships & Dating released a 105-page report determining that a breakup still counts between two romantically involved parties,…
I’m not going to tell you his name. He remains a very powerful frog in the industry, and I don’t want to deal with the…
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — A recent study of your entire friend group came to the unimpeachable conclusion that Daniel Jordan, the biggest fuck up you…
Oh my God, I am so sorry that I somehow missed that text! I mean, I didn’t miss it. I saw it within seconds of…
Fellas. Have you ever been in a situation where she just wasn’t feeling your flirtatious advances? Me neither. Evidently, it’s because I completely misinterpret every…
TOLEDO, Ohio — Local man Joseph Whitt described moments ago his relationship with hardcore tankie and politically communist girlfriend Stephanie Arlin as being “totally workable…
If you think you like bad boys, then you haven’t met 26-year-old Nora Sardana! Sardana has the incredible skill of identifying someone as a predator…
EAST PALO ALTO, Calif. — While on a lunch date at Three Brothers Tacos, local nerd John Davis took a conversational detour to explain that…
LOS ANGELES — After weeks of accusations by former employees that Riot Games cultivated a work environment that fostered sexism and general debauchery, CEO Brandon Beck…
NASHUA, N.H. — Despite living a straight edge lifestyle devoid of alcohol, drugs and promiscuous sex, Wayne Hill, frontman of local hardcore band Desperation Attempt,…
BROOKLYN — The Bowery Ballroom, one of New York’s most beloved venues, was unexpectedly shut down due to extremely high levels of toxic nostalgia in…