Dude, what the fuck? Doors opened like an hour ago and no one’s here! Now I’m texting all my friends like, “You need to get…
Tasteful Nude Distastefully Masturbated To
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Eddy Taylor showed his appreciation for a beautifully composed and tastefully shot nude photo of his former co-worker posted on social…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Facebook services suffered the longest outage in over a year, leading directly to a massive wave of Americans finally getting vaccinated for…
Remember bars? Remember partying until the break of dawn in your favorite dive spot while the glow of New York City lights up the faces…
Man’s General Outlook on State of Humanity Changes Around Six Times While Scrolling Through Twitter
RUCKERSVILLE, Va. — Local man Camden Singh had his overall worldview and philosophy shattered then reformed no less than six times while using social media…
Gentrified Punk House Now Influencer House
BROCKTON, Mass. — Tenants of local punk house The Bunker were outraged this past week as they were evicted from their home only to see…
“I Can Fix Him,” Says Woman Who Is Worse
VAN NUYS, Calif. — Local nursing student Jade Ng divulged to close friends at a bar yesterday her plans to “fix” her Hinge match, local…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Local high school teacher Valerie Kaur is attempting to improve student engagement by referring to symbolism as “Easter Eggs” in her…
Man Who Deleted Social Media Now Gets His Existential Dread From Reading Frozen Food Ingredients
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local sad sack Jarvis Palmer recently deleted all of his social media accounts and now spends most nights at his local grocery…
SAN FRANCISCO — New COVID-19 mutation the Gamma Variant garnered attention with a cryptic tweet telling followers it had “big” plans for fall and winter,…
Am I “DUMMY THICC” or Just Slightly Chubby and Extremely Dimwitted?
As a man, I’ve never really given much thought to catcalling. I was always empathetic to women harassed by men, but I suppose I never…
God Updates LinkedIn Title to “Content Creation Ninja”
HEAVEN — Local divine and benevolent deity, God, updated His LinkedIn profile yesterday, changing His title to Content Creation Ninja in the first step to…
First Crew Pic Back from COVID Decidedly Uncool
PHILADELPHIA — A local hardcore crew embarrassed themselves publicly after posting an incredibly weak crew pic, their first since COVID restrictions were lifted, multiple sources…
Oil Lobbyist Gets Targeted Ad for Politician He Just Bought
WASHINGTON — Harold Fortner, a lobbyist for a major petroleum company, reportedly received a targeted ad on his Facebook account for a politician he had…
We Need Cyberbullying, Otherwise Our Kids Won’t Know How To Defend Themselves in the Comments Section of the Real World
Now that many schools have gone virtual, we need to address cyberbullying. Specifically, how necessary it is. Sure, in the past cyberbullying may have gotten…