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New App Connects People Who Want to Lie in Bed Together Like the Grandparents From “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”

LOS ANGELES – An unusual new app called NapR is making socializing considerably easier for homebodies by connecting users who just want to lie in bed like the grandparents from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” according to sources.

“Are you tired? Do you like having friends, but the thought of going out makes you want to throw up and die? Have you ever scrolled through a dating app and wished it was somehow less productive? Then you’ll love NapR, an app for when you feel you should be social, but have no desire to do anything about it,” said the app’s lead marketer Julia Feinweather. “NapR’s advanced algorithm pairs you up with locals who are also interested in lying around and doing nothing for days at a time. It even matches you with others who have similar aches and pains, so you can complain together about your rapidly decaying bodies.”

NapR Premium member and local couch potato Tony Esposito was more than willing to provide a glowing user testimonial.

“NapR is the best. It’s not just for the elderly, it’s for anyone who wants to just lie there with others and experience the full weight of existential horror together,” said Esposito, as he wrapped himself in a quilt and munched on butterscotch candies. “It’s also been really handy with rent prices going up. Living four people to a bed is the only way I can afford to stay in Los Angeles. The hardest part is finding a bedframe and mattress that fits four fully grown adults, but we make do.”

CEO and founder of NapR, Allen Kwon, recounted the events that inspired him to create the brilliant app.

“One night, I was lounging at home and I guess the edible I took was a bit too strong. For the next several hours, I thought that I was witnessing a madman create sugary, personalized deathtraps for children to succumb to their own hubris in, like a candy-coated Jigsaw,” explained Kwon, with a haunted expression. “When it wore off, I realized I was just watching ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.’ After that, several scenes from that movie really stuck with me and got me thinking on a deeper level.”

Sources indicate that Kwon is currently working on another app that will provide support for people who have been turned into blueberries.