Neutral Milk Hotel rose to prominence at the dawn of the internet age for their surrealistic lyrics and eclectic instrumentation that defied categorization. But did…
Newly Freed Britney Messages Facebook Friends Asking if They Ever Considered Being Their Own Boss
LOS ANGELES — Pop star Britney Spears is taking full advantage of her new freedoms following the ending of her 13-year conservatorship by taking to…
TRUTH Social User Data Comes Pre-Hacked
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Users signing up for TRUTH Social, the social media platform started by former President Donald J. Trump, will not only be…
Help! Nobody Came to My Show Tonight Even Though I Worked My Ass off on That One Promo Tweet This Morning!
Dude, what the fuck? Doors opened like an hour ago and no one’s here! Now I’m texting all my friends like, “You need to get…
Tasteful Nude Distastefully Masturbated To
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Eddy Taylor showed his appreciation for a beautifully composed and tastefully shot nude photo of his former co-worker posted on social…
We Need Cyberbullying, Otherwise Our Kids Won’t Know How To Defend Themselves in the Comments Section of the Real World
Now that many schools have gone virtual, we need to address cyberbullying. Specifically, how necessary it is. Sure, in the past cyberbullying may have gotten…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Facebook services suffered the longest outage in over a year, leading directly to a massive wave of Americans finally getting vaccinated for…
Remember bars? Remember partying until the break of dawn in your favorite dive spot while the glow of New York City lights up the faces…
Man’s General Outlook on State of Humanity Changes Around Six Times While Scrolling Through Twitter
RUCKERSVILLE, Va. — Local man Camden Singh had his overall worldview and philosophy shattered then reformed no less than six times while using social media…
Gentrified Punk House Now Influencer House
BROCKTON, Mass. — Tenants of local punk house The Bunker were outraged this past week as they were evicted from their home only to see…
“I Can Fix Him,” Says Woman Who Is Worse
VAN NUYS, Calif. — Local nursing student Jade Ng divulged to close friends at a bar yesterday her plans to “fix” her Hinge match, local…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Local high school teacher Valerie Kaur is attempting to improve student engagement by referring to symbolism as “Easter Eggs” in her…
Man Who Deleted Social Media Now Gets His Existential Dread From Reading Frozen Food Ingredients
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local sad sack Jarvis Palmer recently deleted all of his social media accounts and now spends most nights at his local grocery…
SAN FRANCISCO — New COVID-19 mutation the Gamma Variant garnered attention with a cryptic tweet telling followers it had “big” plans for fall and winter,…
Engagement Announcement Overshadowed by More Popular Couple Adopting Dog
SEATTLE — Newly engaged couple Daryl Stein and Hannah West are absolutely livid that their celebratory post got significantly less likes than their friend’s post…