Nick Ortolani
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October 21, 2020
PLAINSVILLE, Iowa — Local virgin Andy Wardell grew concerned yesterday that his future sexual intercourse may resemble the acts described…
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Rose Vineshank
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October 19, 2020
BALTIMORE — 17-year-old active shooter and local white boy Tyler Dunsky was sentenced today to no Xbox privileges for a…
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Ted Pillow
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October 18, 2020
What up ‘90s kids! Remember waking up early on Saturday morning to watch cartoons while plowing through an entire box…
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Yash Dare
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October 9, 2020
AURORA, Colo. — Desk Sgt. Shane Winchfeld, an eight-year veteran of the Aurora Police Department, was promoted to patrol duty…
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Dom Turek
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October 6, 2020
LOS ANGELES — A local man who made the switch to a vegan diet 15 years ago has yet to…
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Patrick Coyne
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October 3, 2020
ESSEX, Conn. — Former precocious teen Clarissa Darling has gone from “explaining it all” to spending the majority of her…
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Michael Luis
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September 27, 2020
CLEVELAND — Engorged Pustule singer Alec Matthewson, recently diagnosed with a debilitating, deadly illness known as spinocerebellar ataxia, realized today…
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Kyle Stanley
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September 27, 2020
MANKATO, Minn. — Speedwolf drummer Levi Daniels abandoned his Tama Swingstar kit and assorted hardware yesterday to a “pants-shittingly” large…
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Dan Kozuh
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September 10, 2020
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local single Tomas Hart was stunned to learn yesterday that Marianne Shaw, a goth woman with whom…
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Tyler Dark
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August 24, 2020
LEXINGTON, S.C. — Forest Hills Middle School sixth grader Brynn Ruark effortlessly secured the title of “coolest kid in school”…
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