Michael Luis
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September 27, 2020
CLEVELAND — Engorged Pustule singer Alec Matthewson, recently diagnosed with a debilitating, deadly illness known as spinocerebellar ataxia, realized today…
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Kyle Stanley
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September 27, 2020
MANKATO, Minn. — Speedwolf drummer Levi Daniels abandoned his Tama Swingstar kit and assorted hardware yesterday to a “pants-shittingly” large…
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Dan Kozuh
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September 10, 2020
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local single Tomas Hart was stunned to learn yesterday that Marianne Shaw, a goth woman with whom…
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Tyler Dark
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August 24, 2020
LEXINGTON, S.C. — Forest Hills Middle School sixth grader Brynn Ruark effortlessly secured the title of “coolest kid in school”…
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Gabie Barnes
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July 8, 2020
PHILADELPHIA — Local game enthusiast and known little baby bitch boy Shawn Hughes began his playthrough of The Last of…
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Dom Turek
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June 18, 2020
GARLAND, Texas — Local woman Kristen Tate practices safe sex by taking her birth control at the exact same time…
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Chris Jones
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April 26, 2020
WASHINGTON — The recently added census question, “What is your darkest fear?” has sparked confusion amongst citizens filling out the…
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Charles Bill
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April 17, 2020
DALLAS — Quarantined man Forest Whitlock was struck with a feeling of great anxiety today upon seeing Rod Serling, host…
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Jonah Nink
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October 23, 2019
GARY, Ind. — Local librarian Kate Frazier announced earlier today that a paper skeleton will headline the Halloween decorations on…
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Patrick Coyne
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October 13, 2019
CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski earned a tidy sum of $523 last week after nearly two dozen tourists…
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