Bobby Korec
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NASHVILLE, Tenn. — A belligerent swarm of locusts unexpectedly stormed the presidential debate stage on Thursday landing directly on Donald…
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Patrick Coyne
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ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local man and alleged “Dove Soap-loving jagoff” Dan Paulson thinks he’s “king shit of hygiene town”…
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LONDON — Oasis founding member Liam Gallagher has tested positive for COVID-19, and is finally willing to reconcile with his…
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John Merrifield
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local 32-year-old Brendan Muller decided today that he will stand perfectly still whenever he is in the…
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Nick Ortolani
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PLAINSVILLE, Iowa — Local virgin Andy Wardell grew concerned yesterday that his future sexual intercourse may resemble the acts described…
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Nick Ortolani
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ATHENS, Ga. — A boomer-aged couple announced today their coordinated effort to vote in the upcoming presidential election for the…
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Amir Adan
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SUITLAND, Md. — The United States Census Bureau issued a sharp reminder to crust punks today to stop counting wild…
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James Knapp
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CHICAGO — Veteran emo-punk band Alkaline Trio has returned to the studio to brainstorm vaguely gothic puns to title their…
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Patrick Coyne
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DENVER — Your boyfriend of two years claimed yesterday, in a “totally gross” and “most definitely insincere” showering of affection,…
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Daniel Arnold
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SEATTLE — Dedicated grandfather and unapologetic metalhead Lyle Makowski carved the names of his two grandsons, Henry and Mitchell, on…
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