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Lengthy Text Calling Out Parent’s Racism Changed to “haha” at Last Minute

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local millennial David Hickman Jr. very nearly sent his father a lengthy, impassioned explanation yesterday of why his allegedly “harmless jokes” about race were extremely problematic, before ultimately deleting every word and simply sending, “haha.”

“My dad’s not a hateful person, but it’s like his sense of humor never evolved past a Henny Youngman joke book from 70 years ago. And ever since he learned to text, I’m inundated with jokes about what would happen if a Jew and Chinese guy walked into a bar, or memes of Trump arresting Dora the Explorer,” said Hickman Jr. “I really am going to confront him about it… it’s just, whenever I think it might be a good time, I remember I also need to ask to borrow money.”

For his part, David Hickman Sr. insisted he’s “just goofin” and that his jokes are “no big deal.”

“When did everyone get so sensitive? Back in my day, people were allowed to joke around without the PC police taking you downtown. I’m not a bigot — I hate everyone equally,” Hickman Sr. said before heartily laughing at his own joke. “I’m sure glad my son isn’t one of these ‘woke types’ with no sense of humor. In fact, I probably wouldn’t text him so often, but he seems to really get a kick out of all my jokes.”

Family psychologist Dr. Aamir Hoffman recommended a more unorthodox approach for confronting parents over problematic behavior.

“While, yes, it is on all of us to call out racism, Baby Boomers are simply lost causes, and we will all be better off when they finally die,” said Hoffman. “And while murder is certainly illegal, there’s no law saying you can’t gently push them in the right direction. For instance, we could convince Boomers seatbelts are a liberal hoax. Or — and although it’s unproven that drinking from aluminum cans can cause dementia — it certainly wouldn’t hurt to ply them with Diet Coke. At least it’ll make them fat and immobile, right?”

Currently, Hickman Jr. is choosing a date after Christmas 2022 but long before his family’s summer vacation to confront his dad about his casual racism and his mom about her incessant “Minions” memes.