Dan Kozuh
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IRVINE, Calif. — Fastidious and strict Irvine Public High School Principal Gene Jensen was assaulted at work yesterday by the…
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Patrick Coyne
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CARBONDALE, Ill. — Tired wife Ruby McDermott was reportedly “not in the mood” for sexual activity this evening, instead asking…
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Patrick Coyne
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WILMINGTON, Del. — Local woman Lily-Ann Greenaway is allowing a crust punk she met last week on a dating app…
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James Webster
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WASHINGTON — Pro-life fundamentalists are rejoicing today after controversial Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett was officially confirmed to the…
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Freelancer
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LEXINGTON, Ky. — Ofc. Michael Skolnyk opened fire on a grand jury yesterday after they figuratively slapped him on the…
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Andrew Murphy
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SEATTLE — Perpetually single man Conner Turner ruined a promising first date last Friday when he brought up the infamous…
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Anna Walsh
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CICERO, Ill. — Underpaid Target cashier and generally exhausted person Paolo Morte is considering getting into stealing goods from his…
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Patrick Coyne
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PARKER, Colo. — Middle-aged CPA Ken Feeney has no idea what to think today after MTV enthusiastically responded to a…
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Kaitlyn Jeffers
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STEVENS POINT, Wisc. — Undecided voters across the U.S. are racking their brains this week trying to decide whether to…
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John Danek
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BAYAMÓN, Puerto Rico — At the Drive-In and The Mars Volta guitarist Omar Rodríguez-López created and released an entire 49-minute…
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