DOVER, N.H. — A recently worn necktie was informed yesterday that it will remain knotted and in its owners closet until it is once again…
DALLAS – After days of deliberation, scene veteran Preston Lemons still hadn’t decided whether to attend a show at the Nickel and Dime Club that…
JENKS, Okla. — Jenks East Intermediate School 8th-grader Dylan Barker reportedly humbled himself earlier this week by removing a single earbud to listen to something…
BALTIMORE — Mathematician Douglas Campbell proved yesterday that rapper DMX’s controversial “Dark Man X Theory” is true by demonstrating, by way of variable ‘X,’ that…
NEW YORK — Veteran east coast industrial band Spacechase learned yesterday that their musical duties have been outsourced to cheaper, foreign musicians, rendering their services…
Dear Scabby: My friend in his mid-20’s has been living in his parents’ shed and subsisting off of death metal, frozen food from Costco, cheap…
ELKRIDGE, Md. — Mild-mannered 42-year-old insurance salesman Jello Biafra suffered another case of mistaken identity this week, as he was once again assumed to be…
FRESNO, Calif. — Devoted ska guy and The Deux Tones frontman Simon Carpenter “upped his cred” last week by whitening every other tooth in his…
TULSA, Okla. — Adamant atheist, open homosexual, and hardcore punk Ed Rossi is technically a better Christian than his biological, evangelical family that disowned him…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Drummer Amir Ferguson last night left yet another piece of his drum gear in a city in which he’d just performed, cementing…
PITTSBURGH — A local punk house is gearing up for its fourth consecutive year of flu season, now plaguing residents for the equivalent of one…
NEW YORK — Legendary musician Sting is celebrating today the second anniversary of a full-body spiritual orgasm that began during a 2017 tantric session with…
UNDISCLOSED — A secret job opening for an entry level position in the Illuminati posted today requires a minimum of 3-5 years prior experience working…
DURHAM, N.C. — Local father Bob Taggart spent all of last night’s show at the Steel Cup Lounge speaking with promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham, delving…
RENO, Nev. — Local man and former alcoholic Richard McCann allegedly considers himself “totally sober” now, after switching the focus of his addiction from alcohol…