MINNEAPOLIS — Laura Reynolds discovered her ex-boyfriends tag last night in the bathroom stall of local venue the 331 Club, effectively ruining her evening and…
CHANDLER, Ariz. — Local Dad band Richie Thomas and the Ramblin’ Gamblers reprimanded booker Jason Turner last night for “screwing around with the thermostat,” uncomfortable…
BATON ROUGE, La. — Internet savvy punk Jody Tucker called himself out this morning “just to be safe” for a blog post that could be…
KATONAH, N.Y. — Local pop-punk band Infinite Abyss is running dangerously low on copies of their debut record Lowest Plateau, with a mere 9,994 LPs…
CENTERVILLE, Ohio — Spaceboy Records clerk and “total poser” Matthew Wright was shamefully only able to name 22 of 25 studio albums by indie-rock band…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — A climate change-fueled mass extinction event that will wipe 90 percent of the human race off the face of the earth is…
Merry autumnal equinox, fuckers! That’s right, it’s finally the time of year when the leather jacket you wore all summer is actually necessary and endless…
WASHINGTON – The Union of American Protestors voted to go on strike today, citing inadequate pay and poor working conditions, sources within the organization confirmed.…
BERKELEY, Calif – Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of famed rock band Green Day, claims he once had a “brief punk phase” in the early…
BALTIMORE — Audio technician Darla Buzek petitioned her co-workers and patrons at the Ram’s Head last week to stop calling her a “female sound guy,”…
PEORIA, Ill. — Infamous sophomore bully Peter Fazio has chosen to target Dane Sumner’s large facial birthmark for hazing, choosing to leave Sumner alone about…
BOSTON — Hundreds of new straight edge recruits received their standard issue black sheep tattoos this morning in a traditional Edge Day celebration, witnesses confirmed.…
WASHINGTON — Post-hardcore band Fugazi will end their 15-year hiatus with a series of shows in which they will criticize and chastise their audience in…
TAMPA, Fla. – Ellen Hayes, wife of Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Ralph Hayes, marked herself “safe” on Facebook last week after a recent tropical storm,…
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. – Guitar Center announced a new policy this morning mandating five-day waiting periods for anyone wishing to buy a ukulele, effective immediately.…