LOS ANGELES — Local punk Noah Slafer scoured the internet last night to find out whether he should view Julian Assange as a right-wing puppet…
INDIO, Calif. — Democrats are investigating White House Senior Adviser Jared Kushner for receiving an all-access, VIP pass to Coachella that will grant him access…
LONDON — Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was arrested in London this morning on suspicion of leaking the location of a secret show to a collection…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — High school freshman and self-described punk Michael Wade is calling his family’s upcoming Walt Disney World vacation his “Southeast Tour,” despite having…
TACOMA, Wash. — Professional drummer Jason Hamilton is reportedly letting his natural skill for accounting go to waste, instead playing with successful, nationally recognized indie…
TORONTO — Local man Thoman McKechnie discovered late last night that punk band PUP’s new album Morbid Stuff syncs up perfectly over the sound of…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Carrie Schwalbach’s new boyfriend is nothing more than a reissued edition of her ex with new cover art, disappointing…
LAS VEGAS — U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders could not take the debate stage until he found someone to take over his post at his…
WASHINGTON — Parental groups across the nation are growing concerned about a new recording technique known as “frontmasking,” in which satanic messages are conveyed when…
FILLMORE, Minn. — Researchers confirmed today that crust punk James “Pyrofuck” Polinita is officially the first human completely immune to Chronic Wasting Disease — popularly…
LAKELAND, Fla. — Local 30-something Gary Peters only managed to listen today to 10 seconds of All Who Remain Will Forget Me in Time’s Notes…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Legendary childhood diseases Measles and Polio will co-headline an upcoming U.S. tour, thanks entirely to the countless parents who absolutely refuse to…
Dear Scabby: I just got out of a five-month relationship, but find myself eager to start dating again. Out of respect, I think I should…
I’m a really angry person, and my preferred way to show my angst is by making snide remarks at strangers and through fashion. And what’s…
MILWAUKEE — Local Guitar Center manager Dean Liston suffered a severe mental breakdown at a Deep Purple show on Friday night during the opening riff…