ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local hardcore kid Connor Razzo moshed very cautiously at a show last night to protect the record he purchased following the opening…
DUBLIN — A local moron obviously blind to his own idiocy stood around last night with a brand-new Gildan shirt wadded up in his clammy…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local woman and online shopper Darla Castro is reconsidering her lack of children after a search for her favorite band’s shirt yielded only…
NANUET, N.Y. — Local new, potential best friends Mark Hughes and Brady Walker confirmed that they shared the most beautiful moment of their respective lives…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Tour manager and merch guy Danny MacDonough was confused last night when a fan attempted to steal a sticker that was…
LONDON — A serial killer targeting merch guys allegedly murdered another victim at a show last night, continuing a month-long spree that has yet to…
You have got to be fucking kidding me. I’ve been jamming with a few friends lately and it’s been getting pretty serious. We recently booked…
CHANHASSEN, Minn. — Technical difficulties with the ska section of online retailer Rockabilia’s website have gone unnoticed for the third consecutive decade, as no users…
SKULL MOUNTAIN — The dreaded dragon Pwaun, bringer of fire and pain, was awoken from slumber yesterday upon his hoarded collection of medium-sized band T-shirts…
LAS VEGAS — U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders could not take the debate stage until he found someone to take over his post at his…
Hi. You don’t know me, but perhaps you have noticed me, as I have noticed you. Frankly in a scene this small, I have a…
TOPEKA, Kan. — Local punk Ryan Brewer was doomed Thursday night to wander the earth as a merch guy until he can find a replacement…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Tortured Metaphor merch guy and badass road-warrior Todd Sanderson was quite clear last night that he has no authority whatsoever to…
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Detroit hardcore band Strength of Olympus implemented a new space and cost-saving measure during their most recent tour, printing just one…
SAN DIEGO — Local punk Chris Abernathy regretted his impulse decision to buy merch last night, wishing he waited until the show ended to purchase…