Now that we’re in the throes of Spooky Season, it can be so easy to be caught up in the festivities you forget about your…
NEW YORK — A group of admittedly “horned-up” and “desperate” ornithologists confessed that the majority of questionable bird names were direct results of their uncontrollable…
CHICAGO – An ongoing investigation found that, at this very moment, 10 people are looking at your LinkedIn profile and becoming insatiably aroused, multiple sweaty…
Hey working stiffs, do you feel like there’s something that could make getting scheduled 2nd shifts at the factory more exciting, like working up a…
The holidays are a time of family, reflection, and raw-doggin’ in the back of the sleigh. And what better mood music to get your nipple…
SILVER SPRING, Md. – Local Boomer Glen Thais created a disturbance at the insurance firm where he is employed after sending an unsolicited dick fax…
It’s getting entirely too hot to be outside and you know what that means: It’s Renaissance Faire season! Baking in a parking lot all day…
NEW YORK — Percussion enthusiast Jeffery Saunders was disturbed to discover his new electronic drum kit let out sounds of sexual excitement each time his…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Your horny aunt Gladys created an air of tension after expressing a deep and carnal interest in your Type O Negative shirt…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Scientists for Tesla’s robotics team have reported that recent requests from senior management indicate that they are more than likely being…
PENSACOLA, Fla. — Snake trainer Trevor Bloch raises his anacondas and other snakes to not judge potential mates by physical appearance but rather the contents…
LOS ANGELES — Local goth Ophelia Hall recently began advocating for harsher prison sentences amid calls for justice reform, especially for the serial killer at…
For kids, Halloween is all about candy. For parents, it’s an opportunity to show said children that Mommy and Daddy still have incredibly healthy libidos.…
NEW YORK — Compassionate Queens native Kacey Mora selflessly volunteered her time to help bathe actor and infrequent washer Jake Gyllenhaal, sources close to the…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local horny-as-hell woman Wendy Charleton fears what might happen if she were to get drunk alone with close friend Collin Montrose due…