HANSON, Mass. — Local punk Brandon Gardner will continue his annual Thanksgiving tradition of hiding from his family in his aunt’s garage, Gardner himself confirmed…
FREEHOLD, N.J. — High school junior Andy Moran gave his mother a Honey Clementine-scented Yankee Candle earlier today for Mother’s Day, a gift that, unbeknownst…
SCRANTON, Pa. — Frontman Devin Lewis reportedly surprised his new girlfriend during a Valentine’s Day performance by gifting her one of the two drink tickets he was…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local woman Sarah Abott reportedly had a personal “modern day Hanukkah miracle” this past week when, despite only having enough battery to…
ODENSE, Kan. — An ugly Christmas sweater has reportedly grown up into a beautiful bathrobe, in what one lucky local man described as a “Christmas…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — While the rest of the world is out buying presents for loved ones this holiday season, local man Benjamin Edwards is…
DETROIT — Local goth teen Shelly Davis announced plans to ruin her family’s Christmas card for the third year in a row, according to a…
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — President elect Donald Trump announced his intention to end what he perceives as the “liberal elite War on Christmas” by demanding that…
SAN FRANCISCO — Friends of local punk Derek Evans report they are already fed up with his anti-Christmas rants that accompany every holiday season, a…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local frontman Mike Croft delayed his families Thanksgiving dinner with a 20-minute shoutout to “everyone and everything he’s thankful for,” irritated guests confirmed.…
DANVILLE, Calif. — A panicked Jason Andrews, 15, hurriedly created a Valentine’s day card for his girlfriend Elizabeth this morning, sources close to the sound…
You’ve told them countless times. You weren’t rude about it, but you definitely told them. Still, that one weird aunt — or your friend’s new…
PEORIA, Ill. — Local skinhead Melinda “Rude Girl” Rodriguez was unwittingly conscripted into service at a nearby Target when she wore her favorite red Fred…
CRANBROOK, Ohio – Local parents Molly and Chip Hartsock have been preparing for what is bound to be another awful Thanksgiving, as their vegan punk son returns…
SAGINAW, Mich. – Columbus Day has once again bred controversy throughout the United States, with citizens of all stripes taking to the internet to voice their…