FROSTBURG, Md. — Local mom Beverly Hurd, whose son graduated with a creative writing degree more than a decade ago, is repeating her annual routine of practiced enthusiasm for her adult child’s latest Mother’s Day writing project, proud but not that proud sources confirmed.
“I go through this every year. My college graduate son gives me a very heartfelt poem he wrote about how much he loves me, right before explaining how yet another job interview fell through,” said Hurd. “I know it’s very sweet that he wants to give me a present and he’s just working with what he has, but a present I’d really like is if he paid me back any of the hundred grand I spent so that he could fuck around reading Kerouac for four years. Then the ‘World’s Best Mom’ poem he wrote for me a few years ago might actually be accurate, and also completely unnecessary.”
Mrs. Hurd’s special little man, Anthony, detailed his poetic process.
“Every year I write my mom a poem, and every year she thinks it’s the best. But this year is definitely gonna be the best ever,” said the young Hurd while inexplicably rhyming “I love you, mom” with “you’re the bomb!” “I know that I really don’t have a lot to offer as a son, so I really have to keep on top of my game as a poet.”
Ronald Hurd, patriarch of the Hurd family, expressed his complete disinterest with the Mother’s Day poem tradition.
“Every year [Beverly] works herself into some kind of state over this poem that the boy writes, and I just don’t get it. I never get any poems, so what’s the big deal?” explained Mr. Hurd while studiously observing all traffic laws. “Obviously I love them both and they’re just doing their best, but until the Father’s Day comes where I don’t get gifted a tie that was clearly shoplifted, no amount of student debt could make me interested in this nonsense.”
When reached for comment, representatives from Anthony Hurd’s university requested that the name of their college not appear in this article.