TRENTON, N.J. — Local father Frank Redondo continues to live unknowingly under speculation and ridicule due to his unshakeable belief that Freddie Mercury was heterosexual,…
PHILADELPHIA — Self-checkout unit 2012X-C14 gave two weeks notice yesterday to its Main Line Food Empire store in order to pursue its dream of performing…
PEORIA, Ill. — Local teen Billy Johnston was left in critical condition earlier today after being yelled at by a friend’s mother, according to multiple…
PYONGYANG, North Korea – North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un vowed to decimate the city of Los Angeles with his distinctive style of bass guitar, in…
LOS ANGELES — The popular streaming service Hulu engaged customer Amy Klein in a “bizarre, masochistic torture ritual” earlier this week, forcing her to choose her…
CLEVELAND — Local music store employee Sammy Howard takes every opportunity to inform customers that his band was “this fuckin’ close to making it huge,”…
CHICAGO — Singer/guitarist of political punk band Numb Chomsky and Global Political Systems Ph.D. candidate Miles “The Throat” Fitzsimmons realized during last night’s rehearsal that…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk band Eleanor Rugby are now able to perform spin attacks and wear upgraded armor following a show in which they were…
NEW YORK — Local artist Jamie Leroy is “making waves” in Brooklyn’s tight knit art community with her original, lactose foam-on-coffee visuals adorning customer’s lattes,…
DUNWOODY, Ga. — Local goth Gordon Fletcher was reportedly unamused by a coworker’s recent observation that he looks like someone who would play in a…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local stoner Justin Shaw was charged with theft yesterday after stealing a candy bar in a crime not motivated by race, or…
LOS ANGELES — Bartender Parker McClaine of the trendy Tales of the Garden cocktail lounge is blatantly and equally inattentive to customers of all races,…
NEW YORK — Longtime political activist Lorenzo Marquez attempted to kick off a new protest chant at a march last weekend, but struggled to find…
MILWAUKEE — Thomas Hannigan, a 22-year-old with a family history of addiction and psychological disorder, is acting like a “complete baby, chickenshit buzzkill, and probably…
BOSTON – The guy at the end of the bar wearing a gold necklace and brand-new, white Oakley sunglasses, who just ordered a third vodka-Monster,…