BALTIMORE — Infamous punk house “Crazz Manor” in Baltimore’s Waverly neighborhood was upgraded yesterday from a punk house to a crack house, drawing mixed reactions…
LA LUZ, N.M. — Zoe Rivas was reunited last night with her family’s premium cable subscription immediately upon returning to her parents’ house for a…
CINCINNATI — Local father and metalhead Conrad Dungy has forbidden his children from opening up any mosh pits until Christmas morning, sources close to the…
AMERICA — Americans across the nation are struggling to remember their previous holiday traditions as they prep for their first Christmas season after eight years…
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — Local man Mike Soder failed yesterday to share a reasonable conversation with his tattoo artist, running out of things to talk…
BOSTON — Boston Symphony Orchestra patrons were dismayed last night when a “complete poser” in attendance clapped after the first movement of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony,…
LODI, N.J. — A highly anticipated Christmas album from punk legends The Misfits consists primarily of songs about Halloween, multiple confused listeners confirmed. The album,…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump lashed out today during an early morning Tweet storm, panning left-leaning media outlets across the country over their positive coverage…
TACOMA, Wash — A 9-volt battery was found dead inside a wah-wah pedal last night shortly after noise-rock band Necro Echo entered their rehearsal space,…
WOODLAND, Calif. — Emerson Middle School teacher Erol Raybould inconspicuously cuffed his shirt sleeves this morning in hopes that his American History students would notice…
NEW YORK — VICE staff members were reportedly saddened by the recent closing of celebrated DIY space Huevos Ranch, which will be converted into a…
First things first: this is bullshit. Don’t come at me with your judgmental assumptions. There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing and I don’t wanna…
DENVER — Local man Chris Wyatt’s first bowel movement at his new office job was completed without incident, the relieved office worker confirmed this morning.…
FLINT, Mich. — Local pit bull James Earl Bones rescued a crust punk yesterday from a no-kill shelter despite the negative stereotypes of aggressive temperament…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local DIY punk veterans the Splatz, who have been doing-it-themselves for nearly two years, now wish somebody else would step in to…