Patrick Coyne
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SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — “Christmas Vacation” actor Randy Quaid voiced his support for President Trump yesterday, ruining every sane, cheer-deprived…
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Edgar Towner
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DENVER — Family court officials today ordered office worker Tynan Howard to surrender his beautiful house, large automobile, and other…
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James Knapp
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SEATTLE — Singer Ryan Kemper’s commitment to a sober lifestyle brought an alarming realization yesterday: his band of more than…
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John Danek
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KING OF PRUSSIA, Pa. — Lonesome guitarist Nelson Owens’s only friendly social relationship is reportedly with popular gear website and…
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Nick Ortolani
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WOODLAWN, Md. — A recent government study indicates that fans of thrash metal will finally be eligible for Social Security…
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Patrick Crooks
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LOS ANGELES — Members of all-black punk band The ‘Stangs were nominated for a Grammy late last month, but are…
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John Danek
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FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Promising guitarist Liam Doughtery’s guitar career was suddenly terminated yesterday after the introduction of the difficult…
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Kevin Tit
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WAILUKU, Hawaii — Popular Maui wedding band Holy Matrimony couldn’t believe how many people flew out to Patricia and Peter…
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Brendan Kelly
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local badass eagle and body modification enthusiast Mordechai flummoxed friends and family last week by getting a…
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Patrick Crooks
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WASHINGTON — Residents of the punk house collective known as Radistan have reportedly “lost their goddamn fucking minds if they…
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