LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly has nearly six gallons of uneaten lentil stew after a local Food Not Bombs meetup failed…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local five-piece outfit Brain Pollution have completed their successful transition from forgettable hardcore act into atrocious metal band, disappointing unsuspecting fans throughout…
CINCINNATI — Local band Circus Warfare last week took in their fourth new drummer within the past year, but have yet to name her to…
FAIRFAX, Va. — The NRA condemned New Zealand today as “hypocrites” for failing to crack down on legendary bladed weapons and enchanted objects of immeasurable…
PORT CHESTER, N.Y. — Doom metal band Satan’s Bong asked organizers of the Black Grief Festival if the band had time to perform one more…
MANCHESTER, N. H. — Democratic Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders announced today that he is seeking additional staff for his election campaign, looking in particular for…
Dear Scabby: When will YOU come to Brazil? Does Bruno Mars is gay? -ANONYMOUS Dear Anonymous: Why would I pay to go to Brazil when…
ATLANTA — Bassist Adam Frost has joined local metal outfit Niceguy Genocide in a lucrative, two-year deal worth an estimated $100, Frost’s management team confirmed…
MARIETTA, Ga. — Car owner Charlie Simmons admitted today that he swapped out his copy of Belle & Sebastian’s album Dear Catastrophe Waitress for Pantera’s…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Courts ruled today that 32-year-old Justin Evans will be tried as an adult on murder charges despite owning a Line 6 amplifier,…
EL PASO, Texas — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own…
ASHEVILLE, N. C. — Local songwriter-turned-comedian Emmett Buxton’s Moleskine notebook, once used solely for creative purposes, now contains more grocery lists than anything else, apathetic…
SAN FRANCISCO — An alarming report released today from the Environmental Defense Fund found that every year, up to 80 percent of vegan leather jackets…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — A post to the popular classifieds website Craigslist advertising a couch for sale contained several barely-veiled references to the sofa’s rich sexual…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Punk dad Mike Schreiner allegedly bribed a local community college admissions office with billions of dollars worth of exposure to help ensure…
