James Webster
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LOS ANGELES — Local barista Ashley Campos was dismayed to realize that she was ghosted by a skater exactly seven…
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John Danek
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MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Local punk band Butcher Paper ostensibly only formed to garner attention by way of constant death threats…
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Bobby Korec
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COMMACK, N.Y. — Local man who can’t seem to catch a break Josh Crabtree had a brief moment of celebration…
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Bobby Korec
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NEW YORK — Recent NYC transplant and lifelong Floridian Jerry Smithson announced to a group of friends that New York…
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Ben Friedman
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LOS ANGELES — Aging punk Mike Cruz was ordered by the Council of Punk Legitimacy to inform his neighbors that…
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NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local man and dedicated Al’s Automotive supporter Brian Crespi was shocked and devastated to learn that…
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John Dixon
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ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local punk and avid merch buyer Ben Riley officially crossed the line from human being to…
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Patrick Coyne
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BALLARD RESIDENCE — A disturbing and highly scientific new study has found that I, Gary Ballard, the extremely parched breadwinner…
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Nick Ortolani
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DALLAS — Local white man Darrell Hargrove raised alarm bells yesterday after a traffic incident led experts to believe his…
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Jack Bravstein
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SAN FRANCISCO — After liking, sharing, and commenting on his posts, it looks like your “new friend” from last week's…
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