ALBANY, N.Y. — Local promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham stole a substantial portion of his daughter’s cereal this morning to help him “stay sharp” for when…
BURBANK, Calif. — Production on the FOX reality show “LEGO Masters” was halted indefinitely today after some asshole stuck all the flat LEGO pieces together,…
SALT LAKE CITY — Longtime Imagine Dragons fan Katie Graham celebrated her 11th birthday this week with a dull celebration modeled after her favorite band’s…
DALLAS — Post Malone’s mother Jodie Post unveiled her brand new “Live, Laugh, Love” face tattoo yesterday at her weekly bridge game to a surprisingly…
FLINT, Mich. — Officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Friday afternoon that Flint, Mich. residents should use only soap when washing…
Netflix Orders Two More Weeks of Quarantine So Viewers Can Rewatch and Truly Understand “Tiger King”
Netflix Orders Two More Weeks of Quarantine So Viewers Can Rewatch and Truly Understand “Tiger King”
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix CEO Reed Hastings ordered two more weeks of nationwide quarantine to give subscribers a chance to rewatch and “fully wrap…
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Local woman Natasha Hinson shaved her head today to allow more space to achieve the perfect cat-eye makeup look, sources who don’t…
MIAMI — Restaurant chain Benihana will offer a full hibachi dining experience, including its trademark onion volcanoes, to customers parked curbside in the wake of…
NEW YORK — OneStar Bank CEO Finnegan Bostwick claimed today that if the U.S. Congress doesn’t pass a separate bailout including $40 billion for his…
LOS ANGELES — Social media website MySpace announced today it will require their singular employee to work from home during the COVID-19 pandemic, according to…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos stood triumphantly beneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner in an empty cafetorium yesterday after the coronavirus allowed her to…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local man and alleged “wannabe Patch Adams bitch” Dan Paulson is allegedly acting like “he cured polio or some shit” just…
UTICA, N.Y. — Trapped at home for over a week due to the coronavirus, out-of-work waiter Jim Stevens is quickly running out of excuses to…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local punk and part-time crafts enthusiast Mark Penderson, seeing a need for DIY face masks to help fight the spread of COVID-19,…
It’s a pretty well-known fact that the television show “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” has been a breeding ground for influential crossover thrash acts…