SAN JOSE, Calif. — Executives at Neversoft, the developer behind the newly released “Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2,” announced today that the latest update to…
HYANNIS, Mass. — Local man Kenny Gomez was outed as a “fucking liar” on Tuesday evening upon telling a pharmacy cashier that he does not…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local Black police officer Dante Jackson was rendered unrecognizable to his coworkers within seconds of removing his uniform in the precinct locker…
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — Everyone attending last night’s Twenty One Pilots drive-in concert at Metlife Stadium kept their seatbelt on throughout the entire show, confirmed…
CLEVELAND — Moderators for 2020’s first Presidential debate reportedly added a question regarding an issue that’s been hotly contested since the early/mid-2000s: What defines “real”…
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Slightly tipsy local mom Candace Webber keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints that she fucked The Offspring singer Dexter Holland in the ‘90s,…
ATLANTA — A team of male researchers reportedly discovered the cure for COVID-19 yesterday, mere seconds after a correlation between the disease and erectile dysfunction…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich are reportedly not bothering to…
ATLANTA — College friends Aisha Brooks and Jason Haley promised to get together soon yet again today, just as they had for the past nine…
CLEVELAND — Engorged Pustule singer Alec Matthewson, recently diagnosed with a debilitating, deadly illness known as spinocerebellar ataxia, realized today that the disease name would…
MANKATO, Minn. — Speedwolf drummer Levi Daniels abandoned his Tama Swingstar kit and assorted hardware yesterday to a “pants-shittingly” large spider spotted on the snare…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A new podcast by an Indiana University-Bloomington sophomore created to discuss emerging math rock bands abruptly switches between being so quiet as…
NEW YORK — HBO replaced its popular late night talk-show “Last Week Tonight” with “A Week Tonight” following a deterioration of host John Oliver’s ability…
WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense began compiling a report this week aimed at assessing the viability of gender reveal “bombs” as effective weapons in…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local distro owner Andy Klein assured you today that the Pelican “Australasia” record on limited edition orange vinyl you ordered from him…