PHILADELPHIA – Local Burnout John Parker admitted he wasn’t surprised to receive an exclusive text from his dad today offering a job that he should…
MILWAUKEE — The ashamed parents and siblings of recent high school graduate Chase Benson booed, hissed, and jeered as he broke with familial punk tradition…
Okay, let me address the fact that the headline you clicked to read this article may have sounded a little harsh. But we also said,…
We weren’t alive during Woodstock 99, but we know a lot about it, all of which we have learned against our will. In fact, between…
I wish my sister would stop complaining about my babysitting skills and start thanking me for exposing her kids to classic cinema that students pay…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Eric Halverson was relieved to see his new goth girlfriend and his conservative father bond over their shared love of…
TULSA, Okla. — Local elitist and retired CPA Ronnie Clayton really struggled to draw a musical thread relating the hyperpop sensations 100 gecs to the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local punk John Adler is one of the unlucky few who will be leaving his comfortable life with seven roommates in a…
It was 1:30 am when I heard a familiar thump in the night. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and, Teddy Bear in…
All my life, I’ve felt like I’ve been a huge disappointment to my parents, and everyone else in my family. I feel like I’m the…
Derek and Cristina Bracken’s too-cool-for-school child-rearing practices were so lax that their children were taken away from them and made wards of the state. Bracken’s…
The holidays can be hard for even the closest families. Plus, with culture war tearing us apart, it can be difficult to sit down at…
MINNEAPOLIS — Longtime vegan Julia Trask presented a full 25-slide PowerPoint explaining how she gets her daily protein to attendees at her family Thanksgiving dinner…
The holidays can be tough especially for people who can’t be with their loved ones because of some temporary circumstance. But then there are those…
Noise Musician Preparing to Spend Seventh Consecutive Thanksgiving Lying About Being a Jazz Musician
Noise Musician Preparing to Spend Seventh Consecutive Thanksgiving Lying About Being a Jazz Musician
TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local noise musician Gary Wilkerson spent the past week researching music history and terminology in order to convince his immediate family that…